You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
