Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
