i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
4 words: hood of his car
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
