Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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