they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
