you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
