mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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