Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
