Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
