Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
