I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
