So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Michael Bay diarrhea
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
