While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
