Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
