lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
