i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
