How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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