whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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