He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Come on in and take your pants off
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