Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
