Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
