She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
