I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
