I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
