I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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