so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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