My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
