Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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