This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
