I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
