if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
