I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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