i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
