I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
