My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
