Where is the hickey?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
