wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
