so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
