After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
