What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
