Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
