i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
