im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
