"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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