I cut my penus on the lid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
