she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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