ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
