ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
