Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
