Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
where are my eyebrows?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
