Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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