I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
