I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
