If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
