don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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