I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
