Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
