Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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